Thanksgiving

This year I stayed in London. Not by choice but only because I had been back to the US two times in October and November and I really couldn't afford to go back.

Memories of Thanksgiving past kept popping into my head. All my US colleagues were off. Perhaps I purposely wanted to torture myself so I was constantly on MSN getting snippets of the Macy's Day parade and on FB. I was super homesick that I couldn't even bear for anyone to wish me a Happy Thanksgiving.

Thanksgiving was always such a special holiday for me and my mom. We'd start planning in early the middle of October and slowly stock up on the Stove Top stuffing. As I got older, we started inviting my cousin Juanie and her kids. They loved having Thanksgiving at my house. We had constant food staples - my cream cheese ball, good corn, jello, cupcakes, cookies, and of course the newspaper ads. After dinner, the kids would look through all the adverts and make a top 10 wish list of toys or other things they wanted for Christmas. My mom and I would go away and use their list as a guide to help us shop.

I long for those days again. I've realized that whenever possible, I really need to be home for Thanksgiving. This is a very special holiday for me. My cousin refuses to try and cook a turkey without me. We were both in tears that day.

This year, I was fortunate to have 3 celebrations. My friend Bryn cooked last weekend. Her food was amazing. Then on Thursday I went to Gordon Ramsey's The Narrow for a Thanksgiving dinner. It was equally wonderful. I went with Helen and her friend Premika. In addition to the dinner, we had warm rum and apple cider with the best pecan pie. On Saturday, Amber hosted a Thanksgiving dinner at her flat. I helped her cook the roast. I was impressed with my skills since basically, I was handed a slab of meat and told to cook it. Luckily I had some onion and the beef only need salt and pepper.

Amber's turkey was delish! She bought it from a US military base which was significantly cheaper than in the local store. Also turkeys are not in season right now. They are eaten during the Christmas season. There were mostly Americans at her gathering but the food was wonderful. Afterwards, we had homemade pumpkin and pecan pie! I felt very inspired to bake a pecan pie! We also played Taboo. It was so much fun.

Nothing will ever compare with my family celebrations but I think when you are abroad, you try and recreate a bit of home. I think every dinner indeed captured the spirit of Thanksgiving. Better than nothing!

Ten on Tuesday

There's nothing more to say other than I'm really bad at blogging regularly....Here is my attempt to catch up. Warning...this may just be a bunch of randomness.

1. I moved flats two weeks ago and I absolutely love my new place! I live right across from the Common. Since I am training for the London marathon, it's wonderful to roll out of bed and go for a run right across the road. I also signed up for an outdoor boot camp class at 6:15a.m. My commute is easy. I also have a really cool pub - The Windmill on the Common that I can now say is my local. They have the best Sunday roast and it has a nice English feel to it.

2. Oh, I got a place in the London Marathon! Apparently, I am pretty lucky to have secured a place on the first try. I wanted to run the marathon as a milestone to turning 35 next February. I wanted to go big! I also wanted to do something great for a charity; especially something to do with cancer or cancer support to honor my mother. I still plan to raise money. I am running for MacMillan Cancer Support. Donations please!

3. I lost my dear grandmother to liver cancer....my last living grandmother. I find it very hard to put into words since it's only been 3 weeks. I guess I'm still in shock and can't believe she is gone. In the end, I know I did right by her and my dad.

4. I really miss my friends in Chicago. They are probably the single reason why I would ever consider moving back to Chicago. I know they are great but every so often I am reminded of how lucky I am. Gera and Erica came to pay their respects at my grandmother's wake. Later that evening, Gera proposed to Erica. They also didn't mention they were celebrating their 4 year anniversary. I was really touched because I know that Gera had this special day planned for a very long time. We new something was up when they didn't go to Oktoberfest. I also know Erica has been waiting for a long time! This unselfish act really touched me. I am so lucky to be loved by so many people!

5. New quote I saw on the Tube that I am really digging - "We accept the love we think we deserve." by Stephen Chbosky...My interpretation....If we only think we are capable of receiving so much love, that is all we are ever going to get. Aim high!

6. I truly believe in the afterlife and reincarnation. Perhaps it's because I lost my mom and I needed to believe in something bigger than me to get me through. I believe that if you were not meant to be with someone in this life for whatever reason but you were really close with them, you will eventually be with them....Like Erykah Badu says..."I guess I'll see you next lifetime."

7. I will be celebrating Thanksgiving in London this year. Actually I'm really homesick thinking about it. However, I just couldn't afford to go back a third time in 6 weeks. I was almost tempted today to book a last minute flight but the responsible part of me said no....Anyway, I've already had one celebration last Saturday. It was amazing. Bryn had the best spread and was a wonderful hostess. We even had the turkey coma after the meal. I am looking forward to Amber's big bash on Saturday and trying out Gordon Ramsey's take on our faire on Thursday with Helen and her friend!

8. Sometimes it takes a lot of courage to do the right thing for yourself. Today I did just that! Maybe it's part of getting older and wiser too.

9. My flat didn't come fully furnished with kitchen plates, toaster, kettle, etc. I am excited yet stressed at buying these items and having my own things. It makes me feel very settled.

10. While we are on the subject of getting settled, for some reason New York keeps popping up everywhere. Is the universe trying to tell me something? In any case, it would not be for another 3 to 4 years.

Goodbye August

Oh how I loved August. It's one of the longest months of the year. The last month of summer. So many hopes and wishes for the beginning of the month. So many things to cram in before it ends. Then the tide changes...Autumn approaches.

My August started out lovely. Mari came to visit and we headed for beautiful Praha. I was sad that the sun was setting a bit earlier...Okay, I'm a bit spoiled here. The sun started to set around 9:00p.m. instead of 9:45p.m. I knew once we headed North, we'd get a bit more sunlight not to mention great weather.

Prague like all the cities I visit was amazing in its own rite. It is the only city that did not get bombed during the World War and because of that many of the buildings are intact and have retained their period look. Mari and I walked around the city about two or three times. It is small enough but rich with great history. It's also a very romantic city. I would definitely go back.

Upon our arrival back home, I experienced the London riots and discovered the power of Twitter. After the Totteningham riots on Sunday, apparently the yobs took to the social media outlets and organized multiple riots to follow. On Sunday, it first started in my neighborhood Brixton. Technically I live in Clapham but if you walk about 2 roads, you'd be in Brixton. Thank goodness Mari was here with me. Like many things I've gone through, she was with me. She's my comic relief.

For the past two weeks, Orlando and Alyssa have been here. It's been nice to show them around London and discover some of it myself. We visited the Winston Churchill War Rooms. It was Churchill's underground war room where he strategized and commanded the war. Everything was left as it was in the 40's. Amazing. I think he is my new favorite person. I gained a new perspective on what it must have been like to live when war was breaking out in your own country. It also explains certain English ways such as conserving food and the famous saying "Keep Calm and Carry On."

That was my August in a nutshell.

Goodbye August. You were really nice. Time to let the seasons change.

New Beginnings - One is the Magic Number

So I thought I would be better in July and blog a bit more. But here I am, the 29th of July trying to get a blog in before August.

I wrote that July was a blank slate and that I had nothing really planned but many possibilities on the horizon. It's definitely turning out to be just that.

I've been struggling lately to find topics to write about. This is my 21st month living here. Things were starting to feel pretty normal here in London. I was starting to feel really settled here...so I thought.

I've been quite hush about another side of my life here. My dating life. My journey to find that special someone, have a relationship, and really feel settled here. I still won't go into too many details but I thought I met someone that I felt very comfortable and secure with in many ways. He was American and had been here for 10 years. It felt like home to relax in his flat and be around him. I met his friends (yes some were British and lovely) and went to his local pub. The prospect of being able to come back to the US one day was great. He was also different from other guys that I've typically dated. He was very outgoing, up for travel, different music and political interests. It was a really nice feeling to be with him.

For whatever reason, it just didn't work out. The long term chemistry just wasn't there or we just didn't take the time to build it. I was crushed. My friends who know me well know what my motto is... NEXT....Life is just too short. I bounce back pretty fast and definitely started dating again but I guess you can say that I had a short period of mourning. I fully didn't understand it at the time.

I suddenly felt lost like I was a stranger in London. It was an erie feeling. I almost packed my bags and took a flight home just to be with friends, see my grandmother and to put things in perspective. Coincidentally, our gay friend had a "Girls nite in" and it was such a great time with him and the girls. I even got the polite, "Well I didn't really like him for you anyway," from my friend who was too nice to say anything when we were dating. This is exactly what I needed. Great friends...and I didn't have to travel 4000 miles away to find comfort in them.

I just didn't have the energy in me to make the journey home. I took some time to reflect why I was feeling so uneasy about the break up and the truth is...I'm not as settled here as I think I am.

When I left Chicago, I gave away everything in my home. My warm, safe home. My company didn't offer me an expat package so I didn't get to ship any of personal things here. I came with 5 suitcases which consisted mostly of my clothes, a few photo frames and albums, and a few of my favorite kitchen items. Then Stanley came over 1 month after. In no way am I materialistic but when you give up everything for a dream, I'm sure there's something that leaves you emotionally scared no matter how great the opportunity.

Since then I've been reluctant to invest in anything until I am 100% sure London is for me. My flat came furnished. I didn't have to buy plates, kitchen or bedroom accessories. I realized that I need to work on making myself feel more settled, more like home no matter how long or short I may live in London. It may sound odd but I bought some iPod speakers that I was holding off on for whatever reason. I am even going to buy myself to a food processor that Mari has been bugging me to buy and a laundry hamper. Affordability is not an issue. I suppose it was more mental. While insignificant to others, these are significant investments for me emotionally. It makes being here more permanent, a reality.

Coming to London was a major life change for many reasons. If you knew me back in Chicago, you would definitely say that I am a different person now. I think differently, have a wider circle of friends, expanded interests. If you got to know me now, you would understand and admire my story. This short relationship challenged me to change things up a bit. To start making London home for myself and be settled but not get too comfortable with life that I stop being curious. I want to take this journey to the next level. Continue to learn new things. Challenge myself in different ways and be humble about it.

Suddenly my blank slate in July is becoming a brighter, vivid canvas for the future.

Oddly enough, I was watching an episode of Oprah. She stated this very powerful quote, "Every death is a wake up call to live more fully, more completely, more presently."

This quote could be the story of my life.

Midsummer Madness

It's a bit past midsummer but the first part of my summer has been mad. I thought I'd get a June blog in before the month is over.

In May, I was anxiously awaiting my passport and visa to be returned. I kept receiving news about my grandma's health and pestered my solicitor to try and move things along with the UK Border Agency so that I could see her. He suggested that I call my local MP which is the equivalent of a state representative. Now I'm not really into politics nor do I believe the political system can actually work for me. However, my MP's assistant was able to make better progress than my solicitor. She contacted the Border agent to get status on where my application was in the process. It turned out that my application was pretty far along. Within a few days, my solicitor had received my visa. I now hold a Tier 1 Visa! This will allow me to work for whatever company I choose and gives me a piece of mind knowing I won't have to leave the country if my job is made redundant. While I should have been happier, I was focused on getting on a flight home.

I was off to Chicago 4 days after my visa was returned. It was the most stressful trip I've had yet and not to mention heart breaking. This could have been the very last time I saw my grandmother. Once I landed, I asked Vicky to take me to see my grandmother for a quick hello. The day after I visited her, she was admitted into the hospital because she had a heart attack. I spent most of my two weeks in the hospital with her and speaking to the doctors about her condition. It was bittersweet. My aunts and cousins came by to visit. We talked about my dad, grandma's favorite foods and recipes, old memories, and debated on who was grandma's favorite. I got to spend some alone time with my grandmother and we talked about her time growing up on the farm in Ohio and I really got to see a different side of her...perhaps more vulnerable.

By the end of my visit, we learned that she has liver cancer and there is not much they can do for her because of her heart condition. It was very hard to leave but I had to get back to work and Stanley. I am going back for a quick weekend in a few weeks to celebrate her 84th birthday. This is the difficultly of living so far away. I am not sure if I could be away if my mom was still around. I'm not sure how my expat friends do it.

I also have to mention that I am fortunate to have great friends in Chicago which makes me very homesick when I leave back to London. They are always there no matter what. Mari helped me get to Chicago so fast with her buddy passes. I wasn't really able to spend much time with them. Lucy met me at the airport at 6:00a.m. and we chatted for an hour over Starbucks while I waited to leave back to London. Salud met me one evening on the fly and we went to our favorite place - The Ale House. Rosie is just Rosie...Rosie is home for me. Her kids really brought me joy from the craziness and I am sometimes sad that I won't be there to see them grow up. If there was ever one single reason to come back to Chicago, she would probably be it.

I came back to the UK for a few weeks and they were extremely busy too. We celebrated Sandra's birthday at a cabaret bar in Shoreditch. The following day, I went to the Royal Ascot for horse racing. On Sunday, I jetted off to Greece! Greece was amazing. Picturesque. I really needed that holiday. Blogs will be forthcoming for both Ascot and Greece. Last night I saw Paul Simon at the Apollo Hammersmith Theatre.

Now I'm coming up to July and it's somewhat of a blank canvas. I have nothing major planned. I'm thinking of moving to a new flat. I will probably sign up with a few letting agents. I have a new found freedom with options for my career. I'm looking forward to the first picnic in the park and also planning Alyssa and Orlando's itinerary for their visit in August.

A midsummer's dream!

Ten on Tuesday

Our first full work week since the Easter holidays. Is it really only Tuesday?

1. It's going on 6 weeks that I haven't had my passport and thus not able to travel. I'm starting to get a bit anxious and feeling a bit trapped here especially since my grandmother is very sick. It's very odd considering in the US, my passport sat in a file cabinet most of the year except when I started taking my annual European or Latin American vacations.

2. In anticipation of getting my passport back, I couldn't help myself and booked a trip to Greece with Amber in June. Greece has been one of my top 'To Do's' while here. When Amber suggested, I immediately said yes. I'm looking forward to it. Time to get beach ready!

3. While on the topic of passports, I am very proud of my cousin for getting my godson and niece their passports to come and see me. We finalized their trip and Orlando and Alyssa will be coming for a visit to London in August. They will be with me for 3 weeks! Now I've got to start planning activities to keep them occupied.

4. It's been almost two weeks since England celebrated the Royal Wedding. I must say, it was a great day for Britain. From the media coverage, to the street parties (aka block parties) and the actual ceremony, it was wonderful to call England home and be a part of the festivities. I choose to watch the wedding with friends on the television. Starting at 9:30 in the morning, we drank champagne, ate cucumber sandwiches, and cupcakes. It was also fantastic that we were given the day off as a public holiday once the wedding date was announced. It almost made last Friday feel less special.

5. I went to Oxford on the Royal Wedding weekend. It was the perfect day trip. Only an hour by train. The train ride was pretty scenic. I'm amazed at how beautiful England is even 30 minutes outside of London. Once we arrived, we took a hop on hop off bus tour. I learned that penicillin was founded in Oxford inside a plantar box. Parts of Harry Potter were filmed in Christ's College. We toured the famous mess hall where they ate.

6. I explored Greenwich over the holiday as well. I had a picnic in the park which by the way is massive. I'm saving the prime meridian visit for when Orlando and Alyssa come but I did manage to have a few drinks at the pub along the river. Trafalgar is an old haunt of Charles Dickens.

7. I love the concept of Sunday lunch here. Sunday lunch consists of an early afternoon meal typically a beef, pork or chicken roast with roasted potatoes (in goose fat), Yorkshire pudding, veg and lots of alcohol before and after. It's a lovely way to spend a Sunday with family and friends.

8. I'm so digging the Addison Lee iPhone app that I recently downloaded. Ridiculous as it sounds, I've been trying to validate my reason for buying an iPhone. I don't use it for anything in particular...but that's all changed. With this new app, I can easily book a taxi service and they are usually super fast to arrive!

9. I still can't believe the costs here sometimes especially for pet care. Stanley needs to see a vet optomologist for monitor the pressures in his eyes. Well last week, I spent about $500 for 20 minutes of a specialist's time. It's not rocket science. He's blind. His eyes are not getting better. There's not much more that can be done for him. I was so upset that I had to vent to his regular vet that I saw later that evening. (Yes it was take care of Stanley day) She kindly offered to investigate other options for me as I have to take Stanley back to the specialist every 3 to 4 months. She even went so far as to call me directly on my mobile to advise that she could run some of the tests for a fraction of the price. It wasn't so much the costs but the vet's personal attention to me. One it's rare to find good customer service in London and two, it really made me feel more at home knowing I have a trusted vet. Dr. Rose has my loyalty now. Funny enough, they don't refer to vets or dentists as doctors...

10. Amber and Elaine went to Prague this weekend for the marathon. Part of me was bummed because I was very keen to run this race months back. The good news is that my heel is feeling much better due to my training sessions with Matthew. He's helped strengthen my core and sends me motivational texts and email. I love this guy. Still pondering the idea of running the London marathon. I'm sure Matthew will convince me.

Another Year Goes By

Another year goes by and today marks the 4 year anniversary of my mom's death. It doesn't get any easier. While I know my mom is free from suffering and in a better place, I can't help but wonder what could have been. I wonder how my mom would have looked as she grew older or acted for that matter. Would she let her hair completely gray? Would she be a happy old lady or grumpy?

I also find myself wishing she was here to fill in the gaps in my memory of my childhood. I tried to ask her as much as I could about me as a baby...Like my first steps, first words, etc....But it's random things...The last two weekends, I've made it a point to get out and to bike ride because I love it so much. It is the one hobby that I've always enjoyed and has never faded. As I was riding, I wondered, how did I actually come to enjoy bike riding? Did I see my dad riding a bike? Who bought me my first bike? Who taught me how to ride? I remember having a pink bike with frills hanging from the handle bars. I think my dad came round and took the training wheels off for me. These are the memories that make me long to pick up the phone and call my mom.

Recently, I've started thinking about children and how I would enjoy being a mom and how I would raise my children like my mom did. Granted, I'm still way off from having children, I definitely look forward to that day.

Every year since my mom has passed away, I try to do something to honor her memory. The first year, I grew out my hair and donated 11 inches to Locks for Love. When my mom was first diagnosed with lung caner, I told her that I would eventually do it. The following years including this year, I've made a donation to Lungevity, a research and advocacy group for lung cancer and early detection. Next year, I am thinking of joining the cancer research team and running the London marathon. I'll also turn 35 so it will be a great milestone for me too. I'll have to raise 2000 pounds but it will be well worth it. Long term, I definitely want to be a philanthropist and help these types of organizations.

Despite not having my mom here, I very much keep her alive in my thoughts and in my heart. There's not a day that goes by when I don't think of her. I also like to lecture people about treating their mothers well and telling them you love them. You only get one mom and when she's gone, there will be no other. As I get older and the years go by, I know my memory will get worse. I may not end up remembering much from my childhood but I will always know that I was loved by my mom and she knew that I loved her. That alone is priceless to me and makes being without her less difficult.

I found this quote on the Internet that I shared with my family and friends to remember my mom today. " We only have One Mom, One Mommy, One Mother in this World, One life. Don't wait for the Tomorrow's to tell Mom, you love her." - Author Unknown.