My 35th Birthday

Wow! 35 has arrived before I really had a chance to savor 34. As soon as I turned 34, I started to say, "Well I'm going to be 35 soon. " I shot from 33 to 35, well maybe I was 34 for a few months... 6 months tops. I guess 35 is one of those ages, not quite early thirties but not old enough to be 40. It's an in-between age. A milestone.

Nonetheless, today has been a great day so far. Keeping with my birthday traditions, I took the day off from work. I tried a fairly new local spa down the street from me. I treated myself to a massage and a facial. Both were wonderful however, I liked the facial better for the focus on the neck and shoulders were I have the most tension. Since the spa sells OPI products that are rare to find, I scooped up my favorite nail color - "It's All Greek to Me." Finally I stopped at another salon to get a mani and a pedi. What a great day to pamper myself. Tonight, I am off for a nice dinner at the Spice Market Cafe at the W.

This day always makes me nostalgic for the days when my mom and I would celebrate together. Her spirit must have been (actually I know it always is) with me because as I was soaking my feet in the tub, a pregnant woman and her mum (about 35 and 70 respectively) walked into the salon to have their nails done. I swear I almost cried. They were so kind and gentle towards one another. They joked with each other. The daughter wanted her mum to get French tips because they were different and fashionable but the mum thought it would be too "racy" when she went back to her village. I thought about my mom. She always said that I made her feel young again. She loved listening to my music because it kept her current with the latest artists that were out at the time. It really made me long to see and hug my mother again.

I am looking forward to what my mid to late thirties hold for me. Lately I feel that there's some pressure maybe just from myself to choose a more concrete direction in life. To be or not to be childless. I can't say that I feel 100% maternal all the time. Part of me wants to continue working even harder. I enjoy the rewards of being successful. There are also many things that I want to do and learn that I'm afraid will change if I have children. On the other hand, I want to have these tender moments at the nail salon with my own daughter and have a big family.

One thing that I do know is that I want to get more involved in charity work. Particularly with cancer patients and their families because this is really close to my heart. There's a song from Beyonce's recent album called, "I Was Here." People that know me will laugh because I love her but this song is very powerful. The lyrics have really resonated with me and actually make me think how I want to be remembered.

Here are the lyrics:

Copied from MetroLyrics.com

I wanna leave my footprints on the sands of time
Know there was something that, and something that I left behind
When I leave this world, I'll leave no regrets
Leave something to remember, so they won't forget

I was here I lived, I loved I was here I did, I've done, everything that I wanted
And it was more than I thought it would be I will leave my mark so everyone will know I was here

I want to say I lived each day, until I die
And know that I meant something in, somebody's life
The hearts I have touched, will be the proof that I leave
That I made a difference, and this world will see

I was here I lived, I loved I was here I did, I've done, everything that I wanted
And it was more than I thought it would be
I will leave my mark so everyone will know

I was here I lived, I loved I was here I did, I've done, everything that I wanted
And it was more than I thought it would be I will leave my mark so everyone will know I was here
I just want them to know

That I gave my all, did my best Brought someone to happiness
Left this world a little better just because
I was here


Only God knows what lies ahead but I have been blessed so far. Life is great! Happy Birthday to me!

Where to Begin? I'm back again!

My three month hiatus is over! I'm back and still loving London.

So I have a lot to catch up on in my blog which I may not get to so I might as well start with the relatively here and now.

On Saturday, 4 inches of snow fell in London. I can't say that I had that warm gushy feeling as it so peacefully came down. I thought of the dreaded mayhem it could cause and the disruption to my every to my life as they don't know how to deal with it this side of the world. I guess over the last two years I've gotten spoiled by the mild weather in London. Now I start to shiver after 40 degrees!

Anyway, it wasn't as bad. Heathrow was well prepared compared to the last time. Buses and trains were running without too many delays. It actually brought a smile to my face to see all the parents and children (adult children too) out in the Common on Sunday afternoon, throwing snowballs and making snowmen. Our grounds guy, shoveled the walkways, get this...with a long wooden plank.

The rest of my Sunday involved having a great Sunday lunch - beef roast with roast potatoes and all the trimmings at a cute tucked away pub near Clapham North with Amber, Stuart and Jason. Afterwards, we came back to mine and have some tea and wine with the heat cranked up. A perfect Sunday!

In my quest to lose a few pounds by my 35th birthday this month, I am trying the Dukan diet. People swear by it and have had dramatic weight lose. It is similar to the Atkins in that you eat protein but only for a short period of time. The diet is broken up into phases. There are no carbs, fruit and veg during the Attack Phase. The Attack Phase lasts 2-10 days depending on a true body weight calendar that charts your phases and the results are amazing. According to my personal plan, I only need to do the Attack Phase for 2 days for 2 lbs. However, I am going to push it a bit and move into the next phase after 5 pounds. The next phase consists of gradually adding veg and protein back into your diet. I'll give it a shot. Day One hasn't been too bad!

Thanksgiving

This year I stayed in London. Not by choice but only because I had been back to the US two times in October and November and I really couldn't afford to go back.

Memories of Thanksgiving past kept popping into my head. All my US colleagues were off. Perhaps I purposely wanted to torture myself so I was constantly on MSN getting snippets of the Macy's Day parade and on FB. I was super homesick that I couldn't even bear for anyone to wish me a Happy Thanksgiving.

Thanksgiving was always such a special holiday for me and my mom. We'd start planning in early the middle of October and slowly stock up on the Stove Top stuffing. As I got older, we started inviting my cousin Juanie and her kids. They loved having Thanksgiving at my house. We had constant food staples - my cream cheese ball, good corn, jello, cupcakes, cookies, and of course the newspaper ads. After dinner, the kids would look through all the adverts and make a top 10 wish list of toys or other things they wanted for Christmas. My mom and I would go away and use their list as a guide to help us shop.

I long for those days again. I've realized that whenever possible, I really need to be home for Thanksgiving. This is a very special holiday for me. My cousin refuses to try and cook a turkey without me. We were both in tears that day.

This year, I was fortunate to have 3 celebrations. My friend Bryn cooked last weekend. Her food was amazing. Then on Thursday I went to Gordon Ramsey's The Narrow for a Thanksgiving dinner. It was equally wonderful. I went with Helen and her friend Premika. In addition to the dinner, we had warm rum and apple cider with the best pecan pie. On Saturday, Amber hosted a Thanksgiving dinner at her flat. I helped her cook the roast. I was impressed with my skills since basically, I was handed a slab of meat and told to cook it. Luckily I had some onion and the beef only need salt and pepper.

Amber's turkey was delish! She bought it from a US military base which was significantly cheaper than in the local store. Also turkeys are not in season right now. They are eaten during the Christmas season. There were mostly Americans at her gathering but the food was wonderful. Afterwards, we had homemade pumpkin and pecan pie! I felt very inspired to bake a pecan pie! We also played Taboo. It was so much fun.

Nothing will ever compare with my family celebrations but I think when you are abroad, you try and recreate a bit of home. I think every dinner indeed captured the spirit of Thanksgiving. Better than nothing!

Ten on Tuesday

There's nothing more to say other than I'm really bad at blogging regularly....Here is my attempt to catch up. Warning...this may just be a bunch of randomness.

1. I moved flats two weeks ago and I absolutely love my new place! I live right across from the Common. Since I am training for the London marathon, it's wonderful to roll out of bed and go for a run right across the road. I also signed up for an outdoor boot camp class at 6:15a.m. My commute is easy. I also have a really cool pub - The Windmill on the Common that I can now say is my local. They have the best Sunday roast and it has a nice English feel to it.

2. Oh, I got a place in the London Marathon! Apparently, I am pretty lucky to have secured a place on the first try. I wanted to run the marathon as a milestone to turning 35 next February. I wanted to go big! I also wanted to do something great for a charity; especially something to do with cancer or cancer support to honor my mother. I still plan to raise money. I am running for MacMillan Cancer Support. Donations please!

3. I lost my dear grandmother to liver cancer....my last living grandmother. I find it very hard to put into words since it's only been 3 weeks. I guess I'm still in shock and can't believe she is gone. In the end, I know I did right by her and my dad.

4. I really miss my friends in Chicago. They are probably the single reason why I would ever consider moving back to Chicago. I know they are great but every so often I am reminded of how lucky I am. Gera and Erica came to pay their respects at my grandmother's wake. Later that evening, Gera proposed to Erica. They also didn't mention they were celebrating their 4 year anniversary. I was really touched because I know that Gera had this special day planned for a very long time. We new something was up when they didn't go to Oktoberfest. I also know Erica has been waiting for a long time! This unselfish act really touched me. I am so lucky to be loved by so many people!

5. New quote I saw on the Tube that I am really digging - "We accept the love we think we deserve." by Stephen Chbosky...My interpretation....If we only think we are capable of receiving so much love, that is all we are ever going to get. Aim high!

6. I truly believe in the afterlife and reincarnation. Perhaps it's because I lost my mom and I needed to believe in something bigger than me to get me through. I believe that if you were not meant to be with someone in this life for whatever reason but you were really close with them, you will eventually be with them....Like Erykah Badu says..."I guess I'll see you next lifetime."

7. I will be celebrating Thanksgiving in London this year. Actually I'm really homesick thinking about it. However, I just couldn't afford to go back a third time in 6 weeks. I was almost tempted today to book a last minute flight but the responsible part of me said no....Anyway, I've already had one celebration last Saturday. It was amazing. Bryn had the best spread and was a wonderful hostess. We even had the turkey coma after the meal. I am looking forward to Amber's big bash on Saturday and trying out Gordon Ramsey's take on our faire on Thursday with Helen and her friend!

8. Sometimes it takes a lot of courage to do the right thing for yourself. Today I did just that! Maybe it's part of getting older and wiser too.

9. My flat didn't come fully furnished with kitchen plates, toaster, kettle, etc. I am excited yet stressed at buying these items and having my own things. It makes me feel very settled.

10. While we are on the subject of getting settled, for some reason New York keeps popping up everywhere. Is the universe trying to tell me something? In any case, it would not be for another 3 to 4 years.

Goodbye August

Oh how I loved August. It's one of the longest months of the year. The last month of summer. So many hopes and wishes for the beginning of the month. So many things to cram in before it ends. Then the tide changes...Autumn approaches.

My August started out lovely. Mari came to visit and we headed for beautiful Praha. I was sad that the sun was setting a bit earlier...Okay, I'm a bit spoiled here. The sun started to set around 9:00p.m. instead of 9:45p.m. I knew once we headed North, we'd get a bit more sunlight not to mention great weather.

Prague like all the cities I visit was amazing in its own rite. It is the only city that did not get bombed during the World War and because of that many of the buildings are intact and have retained their period look. Mari and I walked around the city about two or three times. It is small enough but rich with great history. It's also a very romantic city. I would definitely go back.

Upon our arrival back home, I experienced the London riots and discovered the power of Twitter. After the Totteningham riots on Sunday, apparently the yobs took to the social media outlets and organized multiple riots to follow. On Sunday, it first started in my neighborhood Brixton. Technically I live in Clapham but if you walk about 2 roads, you'd be in Brixton. Thank goodness Mari was here with me. Like many things I've gone through, she was with me. She's my comic relief.

For the past two weeks, Orlando and Alyssa have been here. It's been nice to show them around London and discover some of it myself. We visited the Winston Churchill War Rooms. It was Churchill's underground war room where he strategized and commanded the war. Everything was left as it was in the 40's. Amazing. I think he is my new favorite person. I gained a new perspective on what it must have been like to live when war was breaking out in your own country. It also explains certain English ways such as conserving food and the famous saying "Keep Calm and Carry On."

That was my August in a nutshell.

Goodbye August. You were really nice. Time to let the seasons change.

New Beginnings - One is the Magic Number

So I thought I would be better in July and blog a bit more. But here I am, the 29th of July trying to get a blog in before August.

I wrote that July was a blank slate and that I had nothing really planned but many possibilities on the horizon. It's definitely turning out to be just that.

I've been struggling lately to find topics to write about. This is my 21st month living here. Things were starting to feel pretty normal here in London. I was starting to feel really settled here...so I thought.

I've been quite hush about another side of my life here. My dating life. My journey to find that special someone, have a relationship, and really feel settled here. I still won't go into too many details but I thought I met someone that I felt very comfortable and secure with in many ways. He was American and had been here for 10 years. It felt like home to relax in his flat and be around him. I met his friends (yes some were British and lovely) and went to his local pub. The prospect of being able to come back to the US one day was great. He was also different from other guys that I've typically dated. He was very outgoing, up for travel, different music and political interests. It was a really nice feeling to be with him.

For whatever reason, it just didn't work out. The long term chemistry just wasn't there or we just didn't take the time to build it. I was crushed. My friends who know me well know what my motto is... NEXT....Life is just too short. I bounce back pretty fast and definitely started dating again but I guess you can say that I had a short period of mourning. I fully didn't understand it at the time.

I suddenly felt lost like I was a stranger in London. It was an erie feeling. I almost packed my bags and took a flight home just to be with friends, see my grandmother and to put things in perspective. Coincidentally, our gay friend had a "Girls nite in" and it was such a great time with him and the girls. I even got the polite, "Well I didn't really like him for you anyway," from my friend who was too nice to say anything when we were dating. This is exactly what I needed. Great friends...and I didn't have to travel 4000 miles away to find comfort in them.

I just didn't have the energy in me to make the journey home. I took some time to reflect why I was feeling so uneasy about the break up and the truth is...I'm not as settled here as I think I am.

When I left Chicago, I gave away everything in my home. My warm, safe home. My company didn't offer me an expat package so I didn't get to ship any of personal things here. I came with 5 suitcases which consisted mostly of my clothes, a few photo frames and albums, and a few of my favorite kitchen items. Then Stanley came over 1 month after. In no way am I materialistic but when you give up everything for a dream, I'm sure there's something that leaves you emotionally scared no matter how great the opportunity.

Since then I've been reluctant to invest in anything until I am 100% sure London is for me. My flat came furnished. I didn't have to buy plates, kitchen or bedroom accessories. I realized that I need to work on making myself feel more settled, more like home no matter how long or short I may live in London. It may sound odd but I bought some iPod speakers that I was holding off on for whatever reason. I am even going to buy myself to a food processor that Mari has been bugging me to buy and a laundry hamper. Affordability is not an issue. I suppose it was more mental. While insignificant to others, these are significant investments for me emotionally. It makes being here more permanent, a reality.

Coming to London was a major life change for many reasons. If you knew me back in Chicago, you would definitely say that I am a different person now. I think differently, have a wider circle of friends, expanded interests. If you got to know me now, you would understand and admire my story. This short relationship challenged me to change things up a bit. To start making London home for myself and be settled but not get too comfortable with life that I stop being curious. I want to take this journey to the next level. Continue to learn new things. Challenge myself in different ways and be humble about it.

Suddenly my blank slate in July is becoming a brighter, vivid canvas for the future.

Oddly enough, I was watching an episode of Oprah. She stated this very powerful quote, "Every death is a wake up call to live more fully, more completely, more presently."

This quote could be the story of my life.

Midsummer Madness

It's a bit past midsummer but the first part of my summer has been mad. I thought I'd get a June blog in before the month is over.

In May, I was anxiously awaiting my passport and visa to be returned. I kept receiving news about my grandma's health and pestered my solicitor to try and move things along with the UK Border Agency so that I could see her. He suggested that I call my local MP which is the equivalent of a state representative. Now I'm not really into politics nor do I believe the political system can actually work for me. However, my MP's assistant was able to make better progress than my solicitor. She contacted the Border agent to get status on where my application was in the process. It turned out that my application was pretty far along. Within a few days, my solicitor had received my visa. I now hold a Tier 1 Visa! This will allow me to work for whatever company I choose and gives me a piece of mind knowing I won't have to leave the country if my job is made redundant. While I should have been happier, I was focused on getting on a flight home.

I was off to Chicago 4 days after my visa was returned. It was the most stressful trip I've had yet and not to mention heart breaking. This could have been the very last time I saw my grandmother. Once I landed, I asked Vicky to take me to see my grandmother for a quick hello. The day after I visited her, she was admitted into the hospital because she had a heart attack. I spent most of my two weeks in the hospital with her and speaking to the doctors about her condition. It was bittersweet. My aunts and cousins came by to visit. We talked about my dad, grandma's favorite foods and recipes, old memories, and debated on who was grandma's favorite. I got to spend some alone time with my grandmother and we talked about her time growing up on the farm in Ohio and I really got to see a different side of her...perhaps more vulnerable.

By the end of my visit, we learned that she has liver cancer and there is not much they can do for her because of her heart condition. It was very hard to leave but I had to get back to work and Stanley. I am going back for a quick weekend in a few weeks to celebrate her 84th birthday. This is the difficultly of living so far away. I am not sure if I could be away if my mom was still around. I'm not sure how my expat friends do it.

I also have to mention that I am fortunate to have great friends in Chicago which makes me very homesick when I leave back to London. They are always there no matter what. Mari helped me get to Chicago so fast with her buddy passes. I wasn't really able to spend much time with them. Lucy met me at the airport at 6:00a.m. and we chatted for an hour over Starbucks while I waited to leave back to London. Salud met me one evening on the fly and we went to our favorite place - The Ale House. Rosie is just Rosie...Rosie is home for me. Her kids really brought me joy from the craziness and I am sometimes sad that I won't be there to see them grow up. If there was ever one single reason to come back to Chicago, she would probably be it.

I came back to the UK for a few weeks and they were extremely busy too. We celebrated Sandra's birthday at a cabaret bar in Shoreditch. The following day, I went to the Royal Ascot for horse racing. On Sunday, I jetted off to Greece! Greece was amazing. Picturesque. I really needed that holiday. Blogs will be forthcoming for both Ascot and Greece. Last night I saw Paul Simon at the Apollo Hammersmith Theatre.

Now I'm coming up to July and it's somewhat of a blank canvas. I have nothing major planned. I'm thinking of moving to a new flat. I will probably sign up with a few letting agents. I have a new found freedom with options for my career. I'm looking forward to the first picnic in the park and also planning Alyssa and Orlando's itinerary for their visit in August.

A midsummer's dream!